I’m going to summarise the final week with a crap poem:
Last week Jodie went out in London to have after work drinkies,
Last week Jodie fell down some stairs and broke one of her fingers.
On this blog, I have to be honest,
Mainly because I made you all a promise.
Jodie felt really sorry for herself,
So in order to nurse her way back to heath;
She ordered a Kung Pao Chilli Chicken for dinner and broke her veganism, bitches.
(In her defence she bruised her body, cut open her chin and had to go get stitches)
I hope you read that in a nursery rhyme voice.
Although, I only got boiled rice so technically, I still haven’t eaten dairy or eggs.
But I genuinely am so gutted- I was so close to the finish line!
I’ll explain all on day three….
Week four, day one
I made an Instagram worthy meal today. I’m going to big this meal up, because I regret to inform you, it goes downhill from here.
(I’m going to let you guess what I had for breakfast and lunch)
For the final week I celebrate vegan life with lots and lots of pastry. I started out with puff pastry tarts. They look incredibly sophisticated, don’t they?
I used balsamic vinegar, Violife cream cheese, spring onion, sundried tomatoes and spinach on mine, and the same for Tim, only with normal cheese. To prove how boring my normal diet is, it took me about 20 minutes to locate sundried tomatoes in Tesco; who knew they were kept with olives? (yuck)
Tried to cancel out the carb-y pastry with salad and sweet potato mash.
Week four, day two
Thursday – EU Referendum voting day.
Back at it with the granola and salad.
I hope you all voted today, by the way!
My dinner was a main course of pornstar martinis, followed by some chip shop chips, washed down with more pornstar martinis.
I’d had a particularly stressful day at work, and drinking when I’m in any kind of emotion other than basic bitch is not a good idea. Which is probably why I didn’t think to eat earlier and curb the amount of prosecco I was drinking on an empty stomach.
Anyhow, my work chums and I decided over some chips that the best thing was not to go home, but to form a three man band and perform songs from the hit musical, Les Miserables. Not to be deterred by the hour queue for a karaoke booth at All Star Lane, we practised our warm up vocals, much to the bowling alleys delight. After a good old sing song, I discovered it was getting close to the last train home, so I made my dash home.
Which is all fair and well when you possess a sense of direction. This I was not blessed with.
I used to get lost on my grandparents block as a child, and I’d only gone in a straight line down the road on my Barbie scooter.
So with my lack of pigeon’s instinct, I wandered further and further into the heard of trendy Shoreditch, with only minutes to catch a train. To speed the story along, a nice policewoman directed me to Liverpool street where I ran to catch the last train, and fell arse over tit down 20ish concrete steps.
I went into shock mode and although someone stopped to help, I ran to the train like a responsible adult, and cried to a stranger for 50 minutes back to Essex. He gave me a McDonalds tissue to mop up the blood. Sorry random man!
My boyfriend was on a flight to Budapest for a stag weekend (or so I thought), so I called my mum who picked me up and took me back to ‘home home’ in my old bedroom and tucked me up. Said boyfriend, who spent 6+ hours in Stansted (and half of that just sitting on a plane) had called to say his flight was cancelled and he was at our house- where the flip was I?
Again, this is supposed to be a blog about my diet, not my sob story, so he picked me up, and took me to A&E (I’d also split my work pencil dress in the fall, so mum very kindly dressed me in FLARED JEANS to go to hospital in. Cheers mum!) I was x-rayed and examined, then sent home four hours later.
Week four, day three
Friday – Doomsday
With only two hours sleep my boyfriend then drove me to a different hospital, where I had a buttload of stitches to my open chin. I’ve also broken a finger, bruised and cut the right side of my body.
I also woke up to the shock news of the EU referendum. Make of that what you will.
So can you blame a girl high on her mum’s arthritis tablets and codeine for waking up at 6pm and craving the sweet and sour deliciousness that is a Chinese takeaway? Can you? I also got chips.
The worst part was, I didn’t really feel with it during the meal, so I wasn’t exactly savouring every morsel. I bet the chicken wasn’t even free range. Click off my blog with disgust now!
Oh, I only just remembered that Tim got me two portions of McDonalds chips on the way home from the hospital. What a babe!
Week four, day four
Despite fantasising about a Dominos pizza whilst slipping in and out of consciousness, we made burgers and homemade chips for dinner, with stuffed mushrooms and corn on the cob. It was vegan, I promise.
You can probably jazz up your vegan burger with salad, relish and pickles, but your plain and medicated friend just wanted carbs, so here is my sorry looking plain burger. I only managed one.
For those interested, one of them was a ‘pulled pork’ style burger from Linda McCartney. Is nice, ya know?
I don’t think I ate much else on this day. Oh wait, I did- I had some skinny Metcalfe ‘Salt n Sweet’ popcorn.
Week four, day five
I made pancakes for breakfast with lemon and sugar.
My granddad bought me grapes and told his entire neighbourhood I fell down some stairs. (I notice his son, my biological father hadn’t sent any condolences, laugh out loud) He said he was worried I’d eaten chips for tea whilst I was feeling poorly. I told him I hadn’t. I lied.
For dinner, I took my Linda Mac sausages and spicy quorn burger to Tim’s parents to put on the BBQ. I had them with salad and Pimms, which was nice. Tim’s mum felt terrible for putting mayonnaise on the potatoes, but I didn’t expect her to change her dinner for my special requirements, and let’s be honest, I’ve had consumed enough potato as it is this month!
Week four, day six
My leg was still in a lot of pain, and I didn’t fancy commuting to work/driving a car in my state, so I worked from home today.
Our food shop came, and I added a lot of fun food that is vegan to the order. Here are my cats having a whale of a time posing with Part Rings. How fun.
I made taco’s for lunch, using soy mince and taco seasoning, plus red onion and cheese. For the more crazy kids out there, you could probably add salsa or guacamole. It might make it look nicer for your blog photos too. Sorry.
My boyfriend now has man flu, so my time of being the patient is over. I made sweet and sour ‘chicken’ for dinner, with quorn chicken for me, and Tim had actual chicken. He was also really pleased with himself for adding Friday nights’ chow mein to the dish. Gross.
I also made mini lemon sponge cakes, with a lemon glaze which were nice! They don’t look very exciting.. so I’ll let your imagination run wild instead.
Week four day seven
I had a spicy bean burger salad for lunch, and made my sick note boyfriend a teriyaki chicken salad sandwich for his lunch, because I’m the ideal girlfriend; and did I mention I have a broken finger? What a nice girl.
As promised, my week of pastry continued because I made a mushroom pie. I’m quietly confident that my chicken pie could enter some sort of local competition, but as that contains butter, cream and meat, this pie was proving a challenge.
I made a roux out of vegan butter, soya milk and flour, then I added vegetable stock, seasoning, leeks and mustard to make the whole thing taste less disappointing. And I was rather pleased with the outcome, even if it does look an odd green colour….
I also made garlic and kale mash again, which is soooo tasty.
Week four day eight
I am aware there are not eight days in a week, but my final week goes up until 30 June, which is tomorrow, so if you’re still sticking with this long old entry, I’m kind of sorry.
Didn’t have breakfast as I had a presentation to deliver at 8.45am, and I’m a busy city girl did ya know.
I still made time to pay £1.30 for a cup of yellow tea though, didn’t I.
Lunch was falafel salad because it brings me all kinds of joy I did not see possible in salad.
For dinner, Tim made me a vegan curry! In fairness, we like to make curries from scratch, so it was ultimately our normal curry, minus the chicken, and using Alpro plain yoghurt instead of double cream.
To remain a culinary goddess in your eyes, I made onion bhajis, and an apple pie. I did give my boyfriend the fun task of moulding the goopy bhajis, because it is not about picking curried batter out of your finger splint.
Apple pie was tasty, as was my vegan ice cream! I made custard for Tim, but we don’t have any milk in the house so I improvised with almond milk. It ‘wasn’t disgusting’, I was told. Oops.
Week four, FINAL DAY
To end on a high, I had granola and yoghurt, and yet another falafel salad during the day. Here is your final picture of my breakfast and lunch.
I went out for drinks again, but this time managed to eat chips before alcohol (and after.. whilst editing this blog.)
Overview of the final week
Despite living off pastry and chips, doing no exercise thanks to my fall, and cheating (once!!!) this week, I have lost another inch off of my bum and hips, and another half an inch off my thighs!
So in total, my measurements before and after, are:
5 June 2016
30 June 2016
I feel terrible for cheating, but if Rihanna can be a world famous pop star, do drugs and have unlimited (and hopefully) consensual sex with people and tell the world ‘I ain’t no m*********ing role model, I’m sure Jodie, 26 from Southend can catch a break from her friends.
Moving forward, I think I will be vegan Sunday to Thursday, and vegetarian Saturday and Sunday. I need to find free range cheese, so help a gal out if possible! If I keep up a routine of my usual breakfast and lunch, with no snacking and plenty of exercise, hopefully I will lose weight.
I will also continue to only buy free range organic meat from www.roamingroosters.com for my house.
If you have taken anything from my month of being a vegan, I hope you consider what it is you put in your food basket and your mouth every week. I acknowledge there is a food chain, but we waste so much food and take so much for granted, if we can all cut back or spend a couple of pence more on free range eggs rather than caged eggs, the big boy corporations will have to make a difference.
Or if you could all just go vegan/vegetarian that would be cool, too.
I have really enjoyed writing these blogs, as always I welcome feedback!